Relationships are unpredictable from the very start to the very end. And it is that ending point that raises the most questions and insecurities. While there is no scientific formula to know if a marriage is going to last, there are some common signs and occurrences among marriages that lead to divorce, according to a Chicago-based relationship expert
Here are seven things that typically point to a marriage that’s failing:
- Negative overtone: Marriage counselors say that the happiest of couples will have five happy moments for every moment that leads to an argument or sadness. On the contrary, when a couple is teetering on divorce, the number is more like five happy moments and six negative moments. The moment negativity becomes prevalent, something is wrong and needs attention.
- Angry gestures: A healthy argument looks something like a professional debate. When someone starts to gesticulate in angry or frustrated motions, they are “flooding” their emotions into their bodies, as a psychologist might put it. This uncontrolled behavior is a red flag that the person in the argument has some deep-seated issues with their spouse they aren’t bringing to light.
- Flaws everywhere: Ask any old, married couple and they will tell you their partner isn’t perfect. But when their focus becomes on the flaws, and they insist on pointing them out whenever possible, a divorce could be in the near future.
- Defensiveness: Whenever each accusatory statement is met immediately with defensiveness, things are not looking bright. Rather than trying to quip back or protect themselves, a spouse in a happy marriage will first concede or ask for clarification about the problem.
- Eye rolling & curled lips: People with a bitter feeling in their stomach about another person will generally show it in the subtlest gestures, including the classics: eye rolling and curling their lip when being spoken to by that person. These are strong signs of contempt, especially when they occur in nearly every interaction.
- Stonewalling: When a conversation is boring or overwhelming someone, they will put up a wall of gestures to show that they want it to end. This is known as stonewalling and usually includes looking at the ground beneath their own feet, responding to queues with single-word responses, or completely spacing out the speaker.
- Single status: One of the greatest dissolvers of marriages is starting to see each other like roommates, instead of spouses. By living parallel lives within the same home, rather than sharing experiences big and small, spouses essentially revert back to being single. They might not consciously realize it but their subconscious does.
The End That Wasn’t
As much as people may instinctively want to avoid divorce, it is important to realize that running away from divorce at all costs can be unhealthy. If your marriage has run its course and staying in it will cause you grief, unhappiness, and general feelings of angst, the best thing you can do might very well be take the leap and file for divorce. In time, you will see that the end really wasn’t the end at all, but only the start of a new chapter of your life.
So you don’t have to go through this tough time alone, team up with Flower Mound Divorce Attorney Phillip M. Herr. Our team has been providing trusted, compassionate counsel and representation for more than 15 years. Contact us today to learn what that level of experience can do for you and your divorce case.